If Golf Ball's Could Talk...
- David Archer
- 5 days ago
- 8 min read
by David R. Archer
I love the art work on this one. AI is amazing. And funny enough I came up with a very funny scene regarding the golf ball... I'm going to call it; "if golf balls could talk" from my stand up comedy act. There is a moment when the audience is looking at me.... "are you seriously talking about this topic, in an Anthony Jeslenick, the comedian, kind of style?... don't go there... and then... the big reveal and the audience is oh man, you got me big time! And very cool, an ad company is looking into an offer for the rights to it, on behalf of their client. I think it's time to call my lawyer and let then take care of it.
Not a bad outcome at all... been a good day. Yes, it is funny. Back on topic.. if golf balls could talk.
I mean, it is just sitting there. The golf ball. It is not moving. In fact, the only thing it's waiting for... is a golfer. By the way, a golfer doesn't have to sneak up on it with a knife in hand? A golfer shouldn't have to hunt DOWN their ball. But... we do. Especially when we "get outside ourselves". Maybe want to do a little more while in the back swing? Maybe when we're at the top of our swing, we don't pause, and set for the down swing but we "rush it" as we say to ourselves... "smoke this mother f*ck%r" and the result of course is, a golf ball is now heading off course, and adding unnecessary strokes to our planned for Par of 72 shots. Hence when you score 90 on a par 72 course, you basically made 18 MENTAL errors.
Come to one of my performances and learn more. Step 1 for sure. Get assessed. You'll be glad you did. You do it all on line with my good friend, Jon Stabler. Read your report On-Line. Below is mine. I mean, here I am and my thinking with many questions about my golf ambitions were answered weak as I have no ambitions which flawed some of my results. I'm not as competitive at 68 (I'm now 70) as to then I was playing nightly at my private club from 1994-99.
To meet the games only objective, "get the ball in the hole in the least amount of strokes", the game plan should be played from Tee to the middle of the fairway - to what is considered the correct landing area, and then either a 2nd shot is performed, to the appropriate approach shot area, and/or the next shot is then propelled onto the green and putt* into the hole. (*No more than 2 putts any hole)
But for most of us, the ones who can propel a golf 180 yards consistently towards its intended target... or putt 2' from a hard "left to righter" on a hard, dry, shaved putting surface, this isn't our game. We may think we shoot 80's or 90's, but adding up the costs of the lost balls that round, sure, maybe you found a few, wow... and time in the woods, the field, the Fall leaves, the sand traps, wondering after those shots... "what the hell was I thinking?" I can tell yah what your not thinking, but first, your real score is more like 100 +, maybe 120 or more? Yes, embarrassingly, humbling we do HUNT down golf balls. Especially when we drive our shot off course. And now, what were you thinking? I can tell you what you weren't thinking what you're suppose to be thinking. NOTHING. Huh? Yup... at that moment, you be shouldn't thinking... NOTHING
Naturally we get out the blame thrower and blame the club. Damn it! I told them a stiff shaft. I need a stiffer shaft! Arch? It's OK man. Lower your voice. Erectile Dysfunction is nothing to be ashamed of.
Speaking of being way off course, you were at the driving range before the round began, yes? And, did you basically "hit it" straight towards, or fade, or draw by choice to your intended target, yes? And your clubs, the grips, the condition of the grips, shafts, the club face? Yes, all good?
And you can make contact with your ball rather consistently, propelling it say, 150y/m - 180y/m no issues?
Ok. So, you know it's NOT your swing. And you know it's not your clubs, or balls, tee's, shoes, socks, hat...
So what is it?
First it isn't a golf lesson, it isn't the latest in golf club technology. No. I help you make par or better by focusing you in on that 60 to 90 second time frame, 72 times or less a game. If you shoot better than par, then the golf gods and your thinking worked in your favour.
Informed golfers agree, if Golf is 90% mental, why focus 100% of my time on the technical, mechanical, material, fashion parts of "my game"?
The Chamber includes the mental skills assessment for golf and coaching report in 8 specific traits of champion golfers. How does your thinking stack up against pro golfers in defined areas of success.
Focus, Abstract Thinking, Emotional Stability, Dominance, Confidence, Tough Mindedness, Confidence, Self-Sufficiency, Optimum Arousal.
It's also a hybrid of information from other sources and publications. "The 8 Traits of Champion Golfers", by Dr. Deb Graham Phd / Jon Stabler, "Golf Is Not A Game of Perfect", by Dr. Bob Rotella Phd. "The (9) Principles of Self Management", Dr. John C. Marshall Phd
WHO THIS IS FOR...
Golf resorts & destination clubs
Corporate groups & events
Amateur golfers seeking consistency
Players wanting to break scoring barriers (120 / 100 / 90 / 80 / 70 / 60)
Archer EduTainment's mantra is; "we create unforgettable learning experiences". And with my experience in Golf, I mean I did try out for the Canadian Pro Golf Tour at the age of 45. I wanted to play on the seniors tour when I reach 50, will I be good enough and have enough money with my contracting business being run by professionals in their specific areas.
So, The 1999 Fall "Q" School. At Thunderbird... Yawn... I'll spare you the details. I did a belly flop. Briefly, at the time of submitting my application I categorized myself as the "George Plimpton of Golf"... I had been freelance writing psychological based self management performance tips for golf, in a few "known" local golf publications. Lorne Rubenstein was the big golf writer for The Globe and Mail at the time. And I was developing a formidable game. I had gone from the maniac 120 stroked to 100 strokes without even swinging a club just by reading Dr. Bob Rotella's text; Golf, is NOT a Game of Perfect.
My golf life change when I realized it was now my thinking about my entire approach to the game and how to score, when to score, and the time and financial commitment I would need to dedicate myself to this ambition. As a skilled trades contractor... a Father, a Husband... I had the business investment covered so, let's go for it.
That dream? It flopped.
From 1999 to 2002 I co-created - developed - produced from concept, to content, available only online, a psychological based mental game tool for golf. It was a psychometric profile / skills assessment to help golfers narrow in on what they're thinking about before they take the club back and follow through.
In the mid 90's I sought out serious sources I could trust to help improve my game. None ever mention what I discuss improve. with technical swing, club selection... oh my God I will never forget the day my "Hogan Blades" were presented to me in the golf shop by their head touring Pro.
That's all I concerned myself with with... No golf swinging, club manufacturing Pro ever mentioned to me what I'm offer, or ever hear about in the public domain.
I call it, The Chamber. Where no more thoughts are coming in. You are set up to now get into your "zone". That Relaxed State of what I call... "ConZENtration"TM
All I suggest anyone do for their mental game is to take STEP 1. Get assessed. Go to the assessment link on my web site, go to the link "buy the assessment", fill it out, read the report... you will be glad to you did. All for less than a $100.00 and/or a box of quality Golf Balls.
Sign up for one of my 45 minute sessions, The Chamber - Learn About Your Hidden 8 Traits that are helping or hurting your game.
I offer "edutaining golf performances" focused around the 60 to 90 seconds to "Think Nothing, When Everything Counts". That is The Chamber Protocol.
That... 2 to 10 seconds to execute your shot, flawlessly. Helping you answer the question, what were you thinking?
Let's say, Par is 72, so let's start thinking about how I am actually going to have to think my way around this course, its set up today, the weather, how I feel and understand only to put my good efforts towards controlling ONLY the controllables... today. Don't try to change the world. Stay in your lane.... Stay focused. Oddly, learn to think nothing, when everything counts. And do that same thing, over and over 72 times or less every golf game.
Anything over Par for the course, is probably due to a momentary lapse in your thinking, leading to a lapse in execution of the shot - you lost focus, you changed your mind in your back swing.... whatever it was, you were no longer thinking NOTHING... when everything counts... make perfect contact with the ball.
I hosted a rather interesting Pilot TV Series for a Reality Golf show. Sadly, it flopped.
My point? The point is, obviously, if golf balls could talk, they'd say, "you lost me because you were thinking all the wrong thoughts".
We must learn to think nothing before you take the club back. Grip, Stance, Posture, Alignment, Weather conditions, the layout of the course, the shape of the hole, how you play "the real game" all happens within that 60 to 90 seconds until your follow through is complete. But what really matters is that 3 to 10 seconds "when you're in The Chamber", when nothing external enters your thoughts... and when you do that, the result of your shot is always... effortlessly successful. I ask you, what were you thinking, or anyone in that moment, for that matter... THINKING? The answer is always the same; NOTHING.
The trick now is... whatever worked, do it again.... 72 times. Based on the mental skills assessment and report for golf, your 8 Traits of champion golfers, that's the part of the game you need to focus on. At that moment... FOCUS! And become the player you must be.
There's ONE of me, and MILLIONS of swing coaches, and clubs to select from. Could it be possible, its you faced it and accepted, it's YOU. YOU'RE The Problem.
And again, chronically so many golf balls continue to disappear a year, and no one asks for Police assistance? A public search party? You come home, kids ask, wha'd yah shoot? You say, ah, 87, when you really shot 127, give or take a few strokes and you never say a word about the 47 golf balls you lost.
The good news is you lost weight? Ok... yes, look on the bright side.
Look into The Chamber... I bet the answer to your golf game is within YOU.
"A new segment for a podcast... or advertisement ideas for golf ball manufacturers".
If golf balls could talk.... hiding under a leaf... you know you're in a dysfunctional relationship when you get hit, repeatedly as hard as "they" can, with a club in their hands no doubt... while I hook and fly off into the woods. Yet, you care enough to come find me, taking no more than 5 minutes, you pick me up, say to me, excited, "there you are", then tell 3 others you found me, then, SPIT on me, wipe me off, place me down somewhere nice, and seconds later, with a forged club, hit me square in the centre of my face. My inner face contorts to touch the inside - opposite side of my face. Then when done with your round of golf, stuff me in a dark sack with a bunch of "other dirty used balls"... some generic balls.... "How's you like it if your balls were forced to fraternize with other balls"
If Golf Balls Could Talk indeed. Maybe just some comic relief...
Enjoy the Masters...
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