Week 4 at The Comedy Bar...

Homework assignment - a 2 minute bit, and introduce the next act.

I have 3 bits... whichever one comes in on the 2 minute mark... I'll do, more than likely, My Top 10 Signs - Prostate Trouble

From... Life As a Community College Professor

Joke 1 -

I have learned I must stay active since resigning from a full time Community College Professorship of a Skilled Trade for the STO apprenticeship program, Level 1... award winning Professor.

Fun fact for all you OPSEU / Community College striking "workers"... Spring 2014 I drove into the College in a very sexy, polished black Porsche Boxster, (the faculty chair person at the beginning of each semester faculty meeting would say... "Did you know Professor Archer drives a Porsche?") and when I resigned the Summer of 2022, I left on a Stand Up Scooter.

BEFORE Full Time - I Enter In A Porsche...

AFTER Full Time - I Leave On A Scooter

Helmet in Hand. Mmmm beep beep... thanks for your service... You don't leave these environments easily. Summer break was akin to a well planned Prison Break. Ok Archer, it's time to come back in... voluntarily or we'll cut off your pay cheque. Geeeezus.

On line dating???... hahahahha... she laughed... "you're a Community College Professor, NOT a University Professor?" Oh honey... for women that's like dating the security guard and not the secret agent....

moving along.... on aging

Joke 2 - My Optometrist

... on the theme of aging, not sure if you're familiar with your routine eye check up.... ? The eye drops, the flash of bright lights, look up here, high to the left while shinning a light into the back of your skull? I'll talk, I'll talk... I don't really Floss routinely... I can do better, I will be better...

read the smallest line - ok - Made In China

The results of all of her "Probing for Dollars" she put down all of her findings, look at me, then she said, snapping her fingers, over here Dave, turn towards the sound of my voice...Dave, you have a, astigmatism.

What's Astigmatism?

"a defect in the eye or in a lens caused by a deviation from spherical curvature, which results in distorted images, as light rays are prevented from meeting at a common focus."

In layman's terms... "David... you don't see things quite as they truly appear?"

Me: "Where the HELL were you before I agreed to become a full time underpaid, undervalued skilled trades 2nd class citizen as a College Professor?"

Joke 3 - My Top 10 Signs You Might Have Prostate Trouble

Finally... on aging sucks, don't let it suck the life out of you... Men's Health Month is on the horizon, where the moustache has been the symbol of awareness and in support of men's mental health issues, testicular cancer, and prostate cancer concerns... which I had... the prostate thing... and apparently still have... they didn't get it all...

So, my time is ticking... at the Comedy Bar... the Comedy Bar line up... so...

To all of you, as a PSA.... Sooner or later people would ask... so Arch...what were the signs... so instead of morbidly, nor 100% accurately I give you;

MY Top 10 Signs You Might Have Prostate Trouble...

10/ “you know, it’s never a good time to talk about… erectile dysfunction”.

9/ After Your Digital Rectal Exam you see your Urologist taking a long whiff of their finger saying: “Mmmmmmm, don’t yah just love the smell of money!

8/ Naturally the family is complaining again about the urine stains around the toilet and the floor AND you yell: “That’s Why God Invented Socks!”

7/ The Only Reason You Watch Golf Is So You Can Hear The Words; “Stiffer Shaft!”

6/ You’ve actually heard yourself ask; “do these mustard coloured shoes go with my catheter bag?”

5/ Your Prostate Biopsy Procedure Reminded You of Your Childhood. Yes, just like the time you were dropped onto the crossbar of your bicycle.

4/ During The Biopsy Procedure, your first thought was; “there’s nothing gay about this”.

3/ Women can’t resist asking; “excuse me, what’s in the package? And you reply… Depends.

2/ After follow up radiation treatments you’ll think it’s; tea time ~ your penis is whistling and steam is pouring out the spout.

1/ Your partner is last seen smiling wryly while reading the warning label; “erections might last longer than 4 hours”?

Give generously to Prostate Cancer Research

“early detection promotes long term erections”

Thanks, From Archer Edutainment

Dave Archer

Feb 22, 2008

Life Altering