Updated: Jan 31
Have you got a pair of socks I can borrow?
The Shoe Store
So.... in continuation of my funny interactions with the human race on a day to day basis... here's today's latest tale.
Saturday, January 28, 2023 about noon-ish at... The Running Room, located in the Kingsway Village, on Bloor west, Etobicoke, Canada.
Spring is on the way and my existing Hokas' are on their way out. I walk. I don't run anymore. I miss running. It's part of my weight and mental management ritual. Cycling replaced my time dedicated to running. And my already busy cycling schedule then, got even busier. Especially from April to November.
Today, mulling over my next move business wise, as the audio project is 75% complete and should be complete by end of February, launching Sunday, March 05, 2023, I'm thinking... this time next year I will be somewhere warm.
So? What's next? HVACR learning video's? Movie scripts. Comedy scenario's. The Podcast Season 3... time to focus there and some Private HVACR coaching.
And what about... time... to do some stand comedy buddy! Yeah... it's time I think. But first... here I am looking IN on the store through their window.
I'm all ready to buy a new pair of running shoes, as part of my exercise ritual. I embarked upon a commitment to my emotional health last October 22, I called: "the Save the Dave fund"... so yes, today, it's in the budget and it's time to buy a new pair of runners.
Who knew the joke of the day was about to be hatched?
Prior to entering the store I look inside to see how many are there. Just a few people. 2 store clerks, 2 customers, standing in the check-out line and around the check-out register.
The customers were not wearing face masks, the employees were. God, I scoff to myself. Fucking face masks. I have 5 shots.... 5. I'm 66, soon to be 67... all I want is a pair of running shoes. I'll run into the store, hold my breath, point to a pair I'd like, say the size, leave the store, breath again and pass the financial transaction terminal outside where I'm standing, and when the financial transaction is complete, I'll be given the MERCH. and leave.
But no. I walk in, and to my immediate surprise no one is shouting, "hey, you need a face mask!"
And if they did, I'd apologize for not having one, and ask if they have one available? If yes, I'd advise; "I'll wear one. If not, say, "my apologies", and I'd leave. Would I mention I have had 5 vax's and am up-to-date on all flu shots, monkey pox as well? NO. Shut up.
The confrontation never happened. Hmmm. I can now lower the shield as I pretend to whisper into my wrist; "set phazers to: STUN" No. I didn't do that. I'm not a "trekkie".
I gaze around the room looking at clothing draped on racks, and shelving throughout the store and I think to myself, still dressed in my decade old running attire, "I could drop $2-4K in here in what could very well be one of my last heart beats... so not yet... shoes... shoes are the mission today.
I look at the 2 store clerks, one says, I'll take this customer, when the only other person in the store, another woman in line asks if she could get the other store clerk to fetch her a different size of "this shoe" before she made the purchase? "Oh sure", she jumps all over it happy to have something to do.
I'm free to make my move to the shoe wall. Uninhibited.
Ladies.... Men's.... Wow, not She/Her or Him/His?
David.... stop this kind of thinking right now. You're not here to pick a fight. You're not here to be funny. You're not here as a social justice warrior, or to critique, although you do make people laugh.
But, you know you've had this talk with yourself before and your numerous and multiplying by the day invisible friends... many people don't know how to take you... just be charming, and grateful, and polite, well mannered, like you were raised ; a normal person.
Make your ancestors proud David.... knock off the doofus witty, darkly twisted unpredictable, "oh my God I wish I had said that but I know its so inappropriate to have said it - its hilarious Professor Archer act."
Ok, and we're back. Back to shoe store. Inside the Running Room.
Just as I'm looking for a pair of Hoka shoes, (I currently own a pair and I have really enjoyed them, so... Hoka it is), the female sales clerk appears over my left shoulder and asks, "is there anything I can help you look for?"
She's wearing a face mask and her voice is muffled and I may have smurked at her just a little, maybe, then I became gentleman David. Got into what I was looking for when I asked; "would you have a pair of socks I could use while trying on the shoe's?" Absolutely she says and runs to a drawer and pulls out a pair of 1/2 sport socks and hands them to me.
I ask if she could bring me "those pair of shoes right there". She nods and runs off to get them.
I try on the running shoes, and walk around the store, YUP, these are them, I'll take them. As I'm taking OFF the loaned socks I quip, "has anyone just gotten up, purchased, or not purchased anything, and left the store when you realize they're still wearing your socks?
And she mentions, "probably not consciously". I said, can you imagine if that's how people actually go shopping for new socks?
She laughs. This is when I said; "can you imagine if that's how some go shopping for their underwear?"
She broke up laughing at the check-out register. She literally laughed out loud, hysterically, with others standing in the store, now all looking at her wondering what she's laughing at?
Yes, my reply was harmlessly twisted. She stood there watching me leave... laughing, even under her mask. And... her eyes were wet with tears. Success I think. This is a joke you must remember to write down.
I thanked her for her help. I smiled thanking her for her help.
The problem with her face mask? It masked her smile, her laughter, as if she just passed an entire lactose free cheese sandwich and a 1/2 litre of Soy milk through her nose.
Oh David you are twisted. I laughed and laughed at the absurdity of what I had said.... Hahahahahahh.
Enjoy your day. It'll be material for my One Man Show Through The Arch Way.
Dare to dream.